Thoughts for now

Trying to break every barriers set ahead of me, I marched forward dreaming of eternal light lighting that never ending matchstick in my fingertips that felt jovial and gave off aroma of tika from the dancing temple of hope. I could feel the angel and devil battling and struggling in an eternal fight. Angel was hugging me behind never losing my sight and the sight of its goal. It’s goal was to eliminate darkness from the roots of my heart. One night I called my pal saying, “I feel something attacking me, a devil of some kind.” I knew he was the best person to run into. He replied calmly which still drives me in, “Calm down. You’re alright. Give that devil, that lonely guy a sweet hug and some love.” The way he righteously and so vividly presented such a touching answer still amazes me. I know there is peace in me within. My mind has been chaotic lately. I have angel hugging me softly while I fall back on cushion as devil kicks me hard. The idea of angel and devil has been paying a visit to my mind a lot lately. Just a thought gives me a kind of real life energy which gets stored for higher purpose and I’m slowly realising what that purpose is. Been a month and a half since positive writings have been wrapping me with warm love. Even though I’m chaotic, I’m very energetic for some reasons. After coming to this city again, I started walking and travelling on my own a lot and because of that, I grew a lot tired. But this has left a positive impression on me. I’ve learnt a lot. My family has a lot from me which I feel so proud writing about right now. I’m listening to such a peaceful music which is helping the creative thoughts to wander in my fingertips. Writing has helped me a lot in life. Even when I had given up everything, it was my writing ability that helped me move forward. I’ve written one of the darkest poems I’ve ever read which still gives me shivers even thinking about it. I’m slowly grasping the reality and clinging onto it. The Buddhism rope which had kept me in bondage and in safe hands is slowly being taken of, by god or my sweet angel or whoever that higher power may be.

Trying to set my own standard and a place in the society, I was turning into a warrior, a stong one. I was weakened by the cancer that had spread all over my soul and healed by a mighty force. Sometimes, you need to try your hardest to create softest and sweetest of things. I’ve fallen on that cushion countless of times. But each time I fall back, the angel hugs me. Knowing and realising the fact that certain people mean world to me and they will never ever hurt me and keep supporting me energizes me a lot and refreshes my soul. My soul is weak right now because it has battled cancer and it is still very much vulnerable but my family has made softest and spongiest of the cushions for me to fall back on. I’m spreading my strength like a wildfire in my body cells. My cells must feel amazed and blessed these days because they’ve seen the darkest of days and never had they thought these days would come. My days run on my instincts. It to an extent feels like my gut feeling is getting stronger day by day and it knows everything. I want to do so much things that await me. I dream ahead of me with full plan and anticipation. But I know expectations hurt, but hard work never does. So in the coming days, I will be working sweat, trying to achieve my goals, keep on smiling and keep on loving people far and close to me.